I was cleaning up my living room when I received a call from one my friend. I had a long chat with her and at the end of the conversation, she told me “it was nice to see that you are so strong”. I smiled and replied, “Thank you”. Many have told me that I was stronger, and I was dealing with the loss very well.
Many times, I wondered whether I was really that strong or faking it up. In midst of working, or in between cooking, or sipping coffee, or in midst of a conversation with my little one, there would be number of times, that I would have taken a pause, to re-iterate within my mind how I felt about the loss, tears generally sitting within the boundaries of eyes and not rolling off and I would wonder if I was strong enough to deal with it.
Its an interesting piece of thought that came by visiting me and I wanted to jot the conversation I was having with myself and share.
Generally, humans are trained to behave in certain ways as per the situations. Each of us have our own style of expressing our inward feelings out. Some of us are vey loud, some of us are smiling and some are of us very naive. But the interesting factor that I have understood is that we generally are not strong, but we learn to grow stronger as we handle the hard things. Some are quick in achieving the strong mode without much whining but some take more time to reach that mode with whining or no whining, depending on what works for them. At the end, it is the individual nature and choice that decides on what mode, one is in.
The one key lesson I picked up was, that I would from now on, would never tell a person you are strong. Because I would never have an idea of what the person is going through. Probably my choice of words would be – Its hard, hang on, we are around you for any help.
A sense of reassurance is key for any living creature and for the bonding we create. And most importantly, we should learn that it is key to express it. Expression is a form of connection. To connect, it is key to learn how to tell what you feel. It could be loud, it could be subtle, but it would make a difference to the person who probably needs it the most at that point of time. And yes, we learn as we evolve.